I kind of hate these post after a long unannounced break. They're always hard to start.
Part of my absence came from just being so busy this semester. I've been juggling different clubs i'm a part of, school, and personal issues like crazy and they've literally left me with hardly any time to sleep- let alone blog. I am on winter break though so I have more time to blog now that I did before (and hopefully next semester will be less busy as well).
However, the large reason for my absence comes from this snag i've hit in my spiritual life- God' been, as I stated in my last post, revealing a lot of different fruitless branches in my life and I'm having a hard time of letting a lot of those branches go. It's rooted in this complicated issue of pride and also my difficulty in allowing redemption to overflow in areas that I've made ill choices in.
Because of all these things I did play around with the idea of maybe just going on a blogger hiatus while I get my act together but then I remembered that one of the main reasons I started this blog was to be completely honest, as an exercise in transparency, with where I am in my spiritual life. That obviously must include my downs as well as the ups.
Therefore, I'm writing from a ever more broken spirit- one aware of my limitations and just how much God's grace is sufficient to complete me in areas I just cannot complete myself.
SO. What have I been doing in my life.
I'm still going through the book of psalm (which probably should have been done by the middle of the semester). My devotional life hasn't really recovered from the summer sorry to say. During today's quiet time, though, this passage really touched my heart:
"Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's"
This was a verse I think I needed to hear. More than ever I forget what God provides for me in this life. Especially the line that says "who redeems your life from the pit". That's largely how I feel right now, that my own sin has led me to fall in a pit that's too grand for me to climb out myself. If you know me, you know that a large part of my spiritual walk if validated by what I feel the spirit is moving within me say, act, read, etc. To feel nothing is the worst thing of all. But God is good and he is faithful and works even when my hardened heart cannot sense it.
If nothing else, I know I can praise God for never giving up on me. For never letting me go. No matter how much I may push away, his arms are always outstretched ready to grab a hold of me when I have enough sense to run back to him.
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;"