Monday, August 16, 2010


My Bad?

Just as an update as to where i've been- i promise i didn't just drop the blogging for no reason. This summer i was in Washington DC doing training with Greenpeace with a progam called the Greenpeace Organizing Term. I won't get too into it because i don't really want to adversite, but if you want to read more about what that is, you can check out the homepage.

Anyways, I considered this summer as not only preperation for my future career as a girl with an activist spirit- but a small dose of what the rest of my life will be- balancing my career in a secular world and keeping my heart right and close to God. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't do that great of a job this summer. However, i learned an important lesson that God has been hinting at a bit for this season of my life.

I've been blessed to have been seaking God at such a young age- and to have been always seeking and trusting him for all my life. However, with that growth came a lot of times when God has had to humble my heart- I struggle with pride in my own relationship with Christ. I depend on myself to seek Christ because a lot of the times, i've had to seek him on my own. And even though I know the importance of community and struggle to find communion with other christians, i suppose i've never made the real connection between a community being my own support group to keep me in check with my walk.

I'm going into my third year of College and i've learned a lot about my imperfections. First off, the more busy i become i realize that things i struggled with become magnified. The birth of the blog, for example, was to help my be consistent with my devotions- something i have really stuggled with this summer (hence the lack of blogging). Secondly, I tend to assume that my role within a community will be as a leader of some kind (whether as a youth leader, bible study leader, small group leader, etc.) and therefore i do not articulate my struggles but instead suppress mine as I help people with theirs.

I've been aware of my pride and i've started to work on it and i'm aware of my need to find someone to be completely accountable to- which i think God has helped me find. However, I am now more aware than ever of the role that a christian community plays in my relationship with God. Surrounding yourself with people who constantly are seeking a relationship with God encourages you to keep seeking a relationship with God. being surrounded by people who love God and acts out God's love encourages you to do the same too. You remember things you tend to forget when you let yourself get caught up with the world- it keeps you grouned and reminds you of what is more important in life.

I guess I felt like i needed to post this because I've started to understand how much of a stumbling block this righteous pride has become in my heart. I've also truly started to understand what it means when Christians, including myself, say that we cannot do this alone. A fellow blogger posted a comment on a poem i wrote a few months back when i was going through a different kind of struggle and it just encouraged my heart because it reminded me that even though we always stumble and always fall short, God has the strength and power to make us stand in him

This year I'm going to be busier than ever and i'm probably going to fall and stumble all over the place. However i am confident that as long as I continue to have an attitude that hungers after my Father, He will fill my cup with his peace, wisdom and strength.

Praise be to the Father, who uses his broken people to glorify Him who is good. : )

Peace be with you.