For Darkness is as Light to You..

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,'

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

Pslam 139: 7-12

A Love Offering

"Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me."

Psalm 119:115

The funny thing about God is that he takes the complicated and makes them look simple. I consistently find that it's like Him to have layers for everything. How simple is this template for life, but when you think about the actual application of this statement, it's pretty deep. May my sole purpose in life be to praise God- that's everything I say, think, do, breath, make, eat, love, EVERYTHING that I am and want to be...may it all praise God. May the only thing that sustains me be His word- food, shelter, safety, companionship...may it all be sustained by God's law. Just how much that short sentence encompasses is mind boggling, yet it still feels very simple because in the end, that is the purpose of life. It's that simple- to live to praise God and have his law sustain you.

I want my life to be that. I want to live my life within this simplicity but allow the complexity of what it means to flourish in all parts of who I am. May I live solely to praise God and may His word be the only thing that sustains me.

God has been just blessing my life this past week. miracles upon miracles. 4 times this week I should have not been able to turn in late course work but it wasn't the case. In one instance I had a response paper I was suppose to turn in 24hrs in advanced and I never did. When my professor confronted me about it, I could have lied, he even set me up with some good excuses but i just told him the simple truth, "Professor, I just didn't do it...". My professor responded by offering to let me reschedule my response paper for another day...What??

God is good. God is SO good.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth"

Psalm 121:1&2

I really like finding verses from songs in the psalms. It's such a beautiful book and there's soo many prayers and praises in it. I've decided that Godly art comes in the form of the psalms. All the emotions that we go through- pain, sorrow, joy, awe, lament, etc. should be acknowledged because we live a world with all those emotions...they're real. But beyond all that, we should still remember that God is sovereign in all things.

I'm thinking of starting a project where have a photograph for all my favorite psalms. We'll see how it turns out, but I'll keep you posted on any photos I complete. If it does become a project, i'll call it The Art of Psalms

Speaking about art, I'm going to put up Sufjan Steven's You are the Blood again. I didn't completely get the song at first but recently I finally understood. If you don't know Sufjan, I highly encourage you to Google him. He is a fine example of an artist who is Christian admits a sea of Christian artists.

"You are electricity, you're light. You are Sound, itself, and you are flight"

The thing about art for Christ followers is that it becomes a form of worship. You are encountering God and making a beautiful offering for Him. You want to show your reverend, awe, and praise in your own creation. It kind of reminds me of the crowns the saints have in Revelations that they place at the feet of God in his presence. We do the same thing- your creation of something beautiful you give back to God and lay it at his feet. He deserves the best in all that you do.

Art is used as a way to express the place you encounter God. I think Sufjan encounters God in music, in sound- from the chaotic to the beautiful. After all, God created sound! He created all kinds of music, just look at nature. Listen to the birds of the air, the bees of the field, the swoosh of the sea. What a symphony!

"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:

"May those who love you be secure.

May there be peace within your walls

and security within your citadels."

For the sake of my brothers and friends,

I will say, "Peace be within you."

Psalm 122:6-8

Peace be within you ^_^

Tabitha

So that you would be lead to pray..

If you haven't been catching up on the news, some HUGE changes have been happening in the middle east recently- the one getting the most coverage being Egypt's Revolution. Egypt has had a president for the last 30 years who likes to stay in power and keep opposition down. He uses the Egyptian police as a force to do his dirty work against people who decide to speak up against the injustices within the Egyptian government. There have been countless of activists and journalists who have been arrested just because of their demands for dignity for their people.

Around last week Friday many Egyptians decided that enough was enough and stood up to an institution that uses big guns and fear to keep people in order. The government shut down the internet, shut down the phone services, called a curfew, etc. all to discourage the organizing of Egyptians on January 25th. It didn't work. The Egyptian people, all in one voice, demanded freedom from oppression. Change. This past Tuesday about two million people showed up to a march for a million in Cairo. They all were demanding for a new regime- one that was there to protect them, not to oppress them. And all sorts of people came, young, old, men, women, different parties, Muslims, and Christians.

However, as this week progressed, what was a peaceful protest became very violent. Here's an account that Mona Seif gives in the middle of the square many Egyptians are refusing to leave till president Mubarak steps down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSBJwsjakcg

when I was listening to this clip, It was happening that day and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't help but think about what it must feel like to be in the middle of a open square with other unarmed individuals while your own government shoots automatic guns at you. How blessed are we? How blessed am I?? That I can march to my capitol and not get shot at? Of all the places God could have born me into- the middle of Congo's civil war, in the Gaza, in Burma, I was born in a situation where I am free from immediate oppression. I was born in a situation where I have power to stop oppression. Me and Mona Seif are living and breathing in the same time. While I sit in my comfy sofa, she sits somewhere in the cold outside not knowing who is being shot at, how many young ones are wounded or hurt. Of all the places I could be, God didn't put me right next to her- He put me here in front of a computer screen where I can chose to hear her story.

Whether I ignore it or not, the world still turns and people are still dying, people are still starving, people are still afraid of what may happen the next day.

I guess I'm writing this post because I'm trying to articulate what God has placed in my heart as a burden- not necessarily Egypt but the subject of oppression. I was talking to my roommate a few weeks ago and she was telling me about how she was explaining to someone that there are certain movies or documentaries she just cannot watch because it pains her so much to see women or families in those kinds of situations. That person told her she shouldn't write off those feelings, yea they may be sad to one person but if you feel that passionate or pained by it, maybe it's because God has called you to do something about it.

That was a sort of revelation for me. I once asked God why he gave me such a big heart, because I couldn't understand why it hurt so bad when I saw something like the Rwandan Genocide a friend losing their faith or even a movie like precious. The next day He answered, so that it would be lead to pray.

My heart turns inside out and upside down inside of me when I hear or see oppression. I cannot stand seeing evil things happening to people who have no power to do anything about it.

"Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed"

Psalm 119:136

But I think God is going to start teaching me what power prayer really has for us. I think right now that's the biggest gap I have. I know prayer has power, and I know God can move in our prayers but God just needs to reveal His truth to me.

"Then Peter said, 'Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk'"

Acts 3:6

There is power in our words- God has made it one of the most important actions we do. After all the bible says that our words can cut a person deeper than any sword. And if just our regular words can have so much power- how much more does prayer have.We are directly speaking to God and He listens to us. Even more, our prayers go up to Him in full force when we pray together. How amazing is that.

That must really mean that the power of our prayers are much more sweeter than that of silver or gold. It's more effective because God can and will allocate resources better than any man can.

To Egypt, I do not have silver or gold to give but I do have my prayers- which is more valuable than silver or gold, sweeter than milk and honey. I know that because God is an all good God. He is all powerful, he looks after the oppressed and in some way or the other will give them justice and peace. I wholeheartedly believe in that.

Tell me. What has God given you to twist your heart inside out and upside down?

Also, Will you pray for the people of Egypt with me? Doesn't matter what you pray- whether for protection, salvation, justice, peace...let's pray for them. It only takes a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain : )

Peace Be with You,

Tabitha

We Give You All The Glory...

God has just been speaking in my life- I dunno, and It could very well be a post-seminar high, but personally I feel like God gives us highs with his people so we run with it, not just leave it in that one moment.

Recently, besides everything else, I've been really thinking about the way I process God, the word and how it relates to the way that I worship, speak and communicate my experiences...I've been wondering if that is what I'm really suppose to do or if its just the way I do 'church'. I didn't grow up pentacostal- nor did I just start becoming serious with my faith within the pentacostal church...but it's within the pentacostal church that I grew the most in my faith. And I'm always going through a proccess of refining what is truth and what is ok and what is just 'church'.

Today I went to a Holy Spirit seminar and I think that it just cleared up a lot of stuff for me that I've been pondering with a lot...and it's also opened my eyes to even more ways that we can experience God. Sometimes we need to just be more trustworthy with our brother and sisters in Christ. They might do something that is unconventional to us but you know, God says we will know each other's hearts by their fruit and I know that if God has blessed someone's life and I can see that what comes out of their mouth with scripture is true and I'm in agreement with, who am I to say they are 100% wrong...and even if they are, lean on the side of grace! God is a good God and he can use ALL things to glorify Him. And If my brother or sister, who i may not agree with all the time, loves God with all his/her heart, soul, and mind, then I know God will work in their life and give them blessings. The Law is there as a guide but also a reminder of how imperfect we are. We make mistakes and we don't always translate things well. But God expects us to mess up! He is good enough to make sure his message is is still delivered- we do not have the power to mess up God's plan- trust more in his majesty because he is more than enough to fill up the places we cannot fill ourselves.

So i'm just filled with the Holy Spirit- the third but none less important person made up in God's One. And I can't help but praise him. May you praise him too in your life. This song just came to me and I wanted to share with you : )

Alpha and Omega

"Be at rest once more, O my Soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

psalm 116:7

"He will judge between many peoples and will settle disputes for strong nations far and wide. The will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Naitonas will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore. Every man will sit under his own vine and under his own fig tree, and no one will make them afraid, for the Lord Almighty has spoken. All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever"

Micah 4:3-5

I hope this all made sense- I'm writing and I don't know if it's going to translate well. But God is good even now.

Peace Be with You

Tabitha

Redemption from the Pit

Hello,

I kind of hate these post after a long unannounced break. They're always hard to start.

Part of my absence came from just being so busy this semester. I've been juggling different clubs i'm a part of, school, and personal issues like crazy and they've literally left me with hardly any time to sleep- let alone blog. I am on winter break though so I have more time to blog now that I did before (and hopefully next semester will be less busy as well).

However, the large reason for my absence comes from this snag i've hit in my spiritual life- God' been, as I stated in my last post, revealing a lot of different fruitless branches in my life and I'm having a hard time of letting a lot of those branches go. It's rooted in this complicated issue of pride and also my difficulty in allowing redemption to overflow in areas that I've made ill choices in.

Because of all these things I did play around with the idea of maybe just going on a blogger hiatus while I get my act together but then I remembered that one of the main reasons I started this blog was to be completely honest, as an exercise in transparency, with where I am in my spiritual life. That obviously must include my downs as well as the ups.

Therefore, I'm writing from a ever more broken spirit- one aware of my limitations and just how much God's grace is sufficient to complete me in areas I just cannot complete myself.

SO. What have I been doing in my life.

I'm still going through the book of psalm (which probably should have been done by the middle of the semester). My devotional life hasn't really recovered from the summer sorry to say. During today's quiet time, though, this passage really touched my heart:

"Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's"

Psalm 103:2-5

This was a verse I think I needed to hear. More than ever I forget what God provides for me in this life. Especially the line that says "who redeems your life from the pit". That's largely how I feel right now, that my own sin has led me to fall in a pit that's too grand for me to climb out myself. If you know me, you know that a large part of my spiritual walk if validated by what I feel the spirit is moving within me say, act, read, etc. To feel nothing is the worst thing of all. But God is good and he is faithful and works even when my hardened heart cannot sense it.

If nothing else, I know I can praise God for never giving up on me. For never letting me go. No matter how much I may push away, his arms are always outstretched ready to grab a hold of me when I have enough sense to run back to him.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;"

Psalm 103:8-13

Amen.

Community

Hiatus.

My Bad?

Just as an update as to where i've been- i promise i didn't just drop the blogging for no reason. This summer i was in Washington DC doing training with Greenpeace with a progam called the Greenpeace Organizing Term. I won't get too into it because i don't really want to adversite, but if you want to read more about what that is, you can check out the homepage.

Anyways, I considered this summer as not only preperation for my future career as a girl with an activist spirit- but a small dose of what the rest of my life will be- balancing my career in a secular world and keeping my heart right and close to God. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't do that great of a job this summer. However, i learned an important lesson that God has been hinting at a bit for this season of my life.

I've been blessed to have been seaking God at such a young age- and to have been always seeking and trusting him for all my life. However, with that growth came a lot of times when God has had to humble my heart- I struggle with pride in my own relationship with Christ. I depend on myself to seek Christ because a lot of the times, i've had to seek him on my own. And even though I know the importance of community and struggle to find communion with other christians, i suppose i've never made the real connection between a community being my own support group to keep me in check with my walk.

I'm going into my third year of College and i've learned a lot about my imperfections. First off, the more busy i become i realize that things i struggled with become magnified. The birth of the blog, for example, was to help my be consistent with my devotions- something i have really stuggled with this summer (hence the lack of blogging). Secondly, I tend to assume that my role within a community will be as a leader of some kind (whether as a youth leader, bible study leader, small group leader, etc.) and therefore i do not articulate my struggles but instead suppress mine as I help people with theirs.

I've been aware of my pride and i've started to work on it and i'm aware of my need to find someone to be completely accountable to- which i think God has helped me find. However, I am now more aware than ever of the role that a christian community plays in my relationship with God. Surrounding yourself with people who constantly are seeking a relationship with God encourages you to keep seeking a relationship with God. being surrounded by people who love God and acts out God's love encourages you to do the same too. You remember things you tend to forget when you let yourself get caught up with the world- it keeps you grouned and reminds you of what is more important in life.

I guess I felt like i needed to post this because I've started to understand how much of a stumbling block this righteous pride has become in my heart. I've also truly started to understand what it means when Christians, including myself, say that we cannot do this alone. A fellow blogger posted a comment on a poem i wrote a few months back when i was going through a different kind of struggle and it just encouraged my heart because it reminded me that even though we always stumble and always fall short, God has the strength and power to make us stand in him

This year I'm going to be busier than ever and i'm probably going to fall and stumble all over the place. However i am confident that as long as I continue to have an attitude that hungers after my Father, He will fill my cup with his peace, wisdom and strength.

Praise be to the Father, who uses his broken people to glorify Him who is good. : )

Peace be with you.

My Life as a "Stud"

Just found this spoken word via facebook. I think it's really interesting and really deep. Let me know what you think of it. It's a little long but worth it:



For anyone who doesn't know. A 'stud' is a black masculine lesbian.
**EDIT: I decided to add more onto this video just because 4am gives you little sense to think analytically.

I find this identity of being a 'Stud' very interesting. I'm not that familiar with the LGBT community- or familiar enough to know lingo and popular theories about different things but I know that there is a focus on the idea of sex and gender roles.

From what I understand (and someone correct/educate me if i'm wrong), the question is what is a man and what is a woman. There is the sexual difference between male and female, and there is the gender man and woman. The argument is that gender roles are constructed by society: men are aggressive, athletic, hunters, protectors, leaders, etc; women are care givers, sensitive, passive, easily flustered, etc. These are roles that are taught not natural. I think this is an important argument to hone in on because it is counter what many Christians believe. Up until a few months ago, i did not seriously think about the two different mindsets. Scientifically I know the only difference between both sexes are the two chemicals. If a male takes estrogen pills, he develops female parts and features and vice versa. Personally I do believe that there are character differences between men and women that are natural but i do also believe that there are things that we learn to act like. The question is where is that line if there is a line at all?

The discussion of gender and sex is presented in this video. If you have not seen or heard of a stud, it may be hard to grasp what she's talking about. Stud is a term used to describe a group of individuals within the homosexual community. In the white lesbian couple it would be the girl who acted more 'butch' but it goes beyond that. The Stud plays out the male gender role: watches sports, wears the clothes, protects the girl, is a rock. She is the dominant role. So both roles are there, they just so happen to involve two females.

Like I said, i don't know much about the dynamics of the LGBT community, but like the speaker said- a lot of these women do have a past of abuse or harassment or abandonment and I wonder if that is being played out here (Lord knows the black community's family structures are really shaky). The speaker in the video describes the girl that the 'Stud' is with as broken: wanting a masculine figure but not a man. The speaker also described herself during that time as not being comfortable with herself so dressing to try and hide it and be something opposite.

I also found the speaker's definition of choice interesting. The idea that being born in sin opens up the the choice of sin. There will always be a temptation that we will struggle with but it's only acting upon that temptation that makes it a sin. We still have the choice to act on that idea or to run to God with it. idk, it was a revelation that clears up a lot for me and should be noted.

That is all. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing."

Psalm 34:8&9

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned; the Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 34:19-22

Peace be with you.